Diary Editors: Abby & Bev1
Hospitality is the relationship between the host and the guests. In a private setting, the guests take the lead from the host. In a public setting, members and guests should abide by the policies and standards set forth. The enforced policies can include the dress code.2
Standards of Etiquette, Manners & Deportment
In modern terms, hospitality is the standard of care that is provided. Additionally, there is a cohesive “dance” that ensues between the host and members and guests. Further, this could include aspects of greeting, seating and eating.
Some restaurants, hotels and private members’ clubs provide excellent hospitality, whilst others fall short of the mark. Additionally, achieving high marks takes dedication and work. Moreover, accolades and awards are a badge of honour, not a rite of passage. Not all hotel collections, for example, Relais & Châteaux, are worthy. Moreover, Michelin stars, five-star reviews and top ratings on Yelp, Google and Trip Advisor are subjective reviews.3
Hospitality: Etiquette
Etiquette means “best practises.” The Social Diary gives points and takes them away based on numerous factors. This includes table setting, phone manners, the greeting and welcome. Moreover, there is no excuse to be rude, even when a member or guest behaves badly or didn’t dress accordingly. For this reason, many private members’ clubs and fine dining restaurants carried a supply of jackets and ties, just in case a member or guest showed up without one. Instead of turning the member or guest away, which is never a pleasant experience, they offered them an alternative fashion for club or restaurant use.
Dress codes were once strictly enforced. However, in today’s era, there is a “wishy-washy” disregard. Ties are not as popular as they once were, so even private members’ clubs had to downgrade their dress code standards. This is a mistake, of course because once the public starts dictating etiquette, it is a slippery slope. Many members of the public can’t set a table to standard, as you will see in the exercise below.
Happy Holidays Hospitality Etiquette
Ready, set go for the holidays! It’s time to conquer the parties, dinners and Balls. Let The Social Diary be your guide. Brush up on table manners and elevate deportment. Dress smart, elegant and always put your best front forward.
Just pointing out the obvious
The Ocean House Westerly Rhode Island once again proves that they need to “hire” right. Prior to starting The Social Diary, we were just “socially” active. Moreover, we contacted Ginger Dubois, Director of Talent Acquisitions for Ocean House Collection, in April 2022. Apparently, she is the only “executive” to list contact information, which yielded no response.
Our experience with the “previous” executives were indeed better. Daniel Hostettler or Antonia Korosec were very responsive, and so were their staff.
The Ocean House continues to make “stupid” errors, like this backward knife. They kept this listing up for over a month! So, what? No checks and balances? No one minding the shoppe? Clearly, the lack of attention to detail shows up in a public listing for a “Relais and Chateaux” property. Yikes!
Hospitality Etiquette Standards “Exercise”
The three photos we pulled from various events showcases why etiquette standards matter. Misaligned table settings are enough to drive The Social Diary bonkers. That’s because these are elementary mistakes.
The British table setting standards tries to avoid anything above the plate, albeit some new table settings make allowances.4 However, the American standard of laying dessert fork and dessert spoon is above the plate. In the French style, fork tines and spoons are facing down.
What’s Wrong with these Pictures?5
At the end, we will compare this to Gwyneth Paltrow’s Loro Piana’s L’Art de la Table collection (2024) and Windsor Smith’s Homefront (2015). The Social Diary has also included the Royal Opera House’s The Wine Conversation (2023).
The Hotel Viking and ABBA ca DABRA made the error of setting the dessert fork and dessert spoon the wrong way. The dessert fork handle goes left. The dessert spoon handle goes right. When it’s time for dessert, guests pull the dessert fork and spoon (if there is one), down by the handles. Thus, they reposition them left (fork) and right (spoon) on the table. The dessert spoon is not for coffee and tea service. A demitasse spoon or teaspoon is available or brought to the table.
Hotel Viking and ABBA ca DABRA completely failed in this exercise. Kia Ora Cosmic maintained a perfect standard for the dessert fork, but not for the bread plate, as we explain.
Hospitality Etiquette Standards “Bread plate”
There is a table setting standard for bread and drink. The bread plate is never in the middle of service. The space directly in front of the diner is where the courses go. The courses can include oysters, soup, salad and main. These bread plates are taking up important ‘real estate’ on the table. Instead, set the bread plate to the left or upper left. Drinks go on the right.
In addition, the ABBA ca DABRA table is too small to appropriately accommodate 10 diners. There are neighbouring cutlery touching each other. The table example below can comfortably accommodate eight diners. There needs to be space between the chairs. There isn’t much of that in this picture. The table looks too crowded.
Kia Ora Cosmic decided to position their bread plate above the dessert fork. Even this is incorrect. Kia Ora Cosmic has the same problem as ABBA ca DABRA. The size of the table is too small. The bread plate should never touch drink glasses, especially the neighbouring ones!
Elementary mistakes shouldn’t be a part of high end social events, upscale dining establishments and Relais & Châteaux luxury hotels. Moreover, guests pay premium prices to attend these socials, dine at the restaurants and stay at the hotels and mixed-used facility. That’s why it is important to have a critical eye for detail and someone who knows the service, hospitality and visual side of the presentation. Likewise, training staff is not enough. You have to hire experts with ‘lived experiences.’
Gwyneth Paltrow & Loro Piana 2024
In every example below, the dessert table setting is standard, with fork handles to the left and spoon handles to the right. The Preserve Resort & Spa C-level Executive stated that The Social Diary was making a “big deal” about this “table setting standard”. He even chuckled. This is what happens when you hire a sales clerk6 for the executive position at a “self-professed” five-star “hospitality” resort.
Achieving high standards is no laughing matter, especially when these establishments charge over $800 per night room rates and (++) for special events. The (++) notes gratuity and tax. For instance, $125++.
Gwyneth Paltrow & Windsor Smith 2015
Royal Opera House, The Wine Conversation 2023
No crowded seats should be the order of the table setting best practises. Organisers should give guests enough “elbow” room.
- Abby started her journey planning family, corporate and royal events. Hospitality standards and table setting is within her Wheelhouse. Bev is our resident ‘investigative researcher’ on Members, Fashion and Hospitality. ↩︎
- This story was updated to include relevant information and formatting. ↩︎
- SUBPAR reviewers are sometimes at the helm of high ratings, and know nothing about hospitality standards. ↩︎
- This depends on how much “space” they can utilise to set the table from the outside in. ↩︎
- This etiquette exercise was moved from the contact page to hospitality, as it is a better fit for this page. ↩︎
- Hiring “worse practises”: Companies don’t hire for the “right fit” anymore, but friends, family and who they could “afford.” ↩︎